Take Me Home Please

It's very rare that a movie speaks to me, much less a comedy. I should hate to admit it but the nearly straight to DVD movie Take Me Home Tonight actually shook me. I watched it 2 days ago and I'm still thinking about it. The reason this movie rocked me is because my life and Matt Franklin (Topher Grace) is strikingly similar.

Synopsis: You have this intelligent college grad who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life so he works at a video rental store until he can figure it out. One day his high school crush walks in and he pretends to not work there, and he also in a moment of despair lies about where he works to give the impression he is successful. He is invited to a party that night where he tries to act cool and successful. He finally gets the girl, decides to tell her the truth, and then she gets furious he has lied (typical). He comes to a breaking point where he realizes he has never tried anything, and decides to do something. That something clearly is rolling down a hill in a big metal ball. In the end he realizes he has to go for things/anything and he gets the girl.

This is Matt's reason for not doing anything: "Whatever you do, it’s what you’re gonna be. And I just don’t know what I wanna be. Yet." Sounds really familiar...

When I started to think of how this is my life, I was wondering what would happen if I went to a party of high school comrades? I would be awfully tempted to also lie or embellish on what I do. Which circles me back to the fact that I'm not doing what I'm capable of, or even what I want.

There is this beautiful scene where Matt is found in a stolen, wrecked car and his friend is covered in cocaine. To top it off his cop dad is the one who finds him. In the midst of fighting and yelling Matt screams, "I'm sorry I'm such a failure". The dad replies with something along the lines of, "You are much worse than a failure because you have never tried."

Bam - smack in the face.

So while pondering the movie, I run into this the next morning -
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8

Bam again.

Abraham went (he moved, he did, he tried, he became, he changed) and he didn't know where he was going (he didn't know the career, life path, job he wanted). He went.

Moral of the story: I need to go, do, try, change, become, live.

'Stuff' Be Gone

I was thinking of this grand idea and had determined that I would start in January - ya know a New Years Resolution. Then I thought why wait. The realization came to me and I knew I had to do something about it.

The Realization: I have too much stuff; seriously I have enough cardigans for a season of Mr. Rogers.

Now I've known this for quite awhile. I live in this realm of absolutely loving clothes, shoes, accessories, books, towels, candles, big rings, scarfs and the like but feeling guilty. I normally don't feel guilt when I buy something, but when I cannot figure out what to wear in the morning because there is so much - the guilt sets in. I also have a dislike of materialism and realize I am a prime culprit. I strongly believe in my head stuff doesn't matter. I even read a ton of literature about living unencumbered by 'stuff'. One of my top 5 favorite books ever is Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. He doesn't let 'stuff' consume him, and its rather beautiful. (You'll probably see some quotes in later posts but someone has my book right now). I read his book and highlight, say Amen, and resolve to change. Then put me in a store and I think I need another tennis ball size ring, or Target tee (because I didn't have that particular shade of salmon).

I believe stuff doesn't matter so much, that I've even thought how cool it would be to have like 2 outfits that you just wear over and over again - to take a stand. Then I realize that is rooted in me wanting to be perceived as cool and heroic. But I do hate how I can't walk out of Target without a seasonal dish towel, a pair of colorful flats, or a cardigan. I hate that I have to continually buy clothes hangers because I obtain more than I give. I've finally realized how much 'stuff' has a hold on me, and I'm going to make a change.

The Change: Stop buying 'stuff'

I've given up buying at a few points in my life (only 2 points actually). First, was back in college (4 years ago - wow). I had a fantastic/costly study abroad experience in Venice but ran into issues on the return flight home. Basically I threw my ticket away, so when I got to the airport I had to buy a new plane ticket (not cheap). Well I definitely didn't have the money at all, so I had to put it on the padres credit card. I HATE being in debt so I resolved to myself that I would not buy myself anything besides food until the debt was paid. I succeeded in flying colors and got the debt paid off in a couple months. I even made a trip to the outlet mall with a friend and managed to withstand a rack of $1 jewelry. The second time was more recent, only 6 months ago or so. I got the opportunity to spend most of June in Peru and was incredibly convicted by the conditions. A friend and I decided to not buy anything for July. It was no problem as a month just flies right by. The real problem is that these two incidents didn't stick. I'm no where closer to being severed from my stuffs hold than I was before.

Originally my idea was to do this for a year, *shudder* which is why I wanted to start in January. I still want to do this for more than just a month but what better month to start than in December. Of all months - this one is the least about me.

The stipulations (because if I don't write them down, I will reason with myself and make exceptions): No clothes, shoes, home decorations. I am allowed food, booze, and entertainment (shows, movies, games). Books are still on the fence. Basically anything materialistic is out of question.

*Note: I have not bought anything in the past two days.

The Beginning

Why start a blog again you may ask? Well I'm asking the same...

Long rambling short (pun intended) - I needed an outlet, a place to store my thoughts, and express whatever the heck I want ie the rambling.

For a bit of history sake, I along with two friends spent a year doing a blog (or a few months at least). We had this brilliant idea to tackle something different every month - something life altering. As with most of my ideas - we started off strong and ended up by the wayside. I did learn a few valuable lessons from it - such as I could be a vegetarian if I wanted, I can run if I train, I love caffeine, and I am not patient enough to craft.

So as with everyone else on this planet, my mind is a mumbled jumbled beautiful mess ie the wanderer. A mess I have to believe is eventually going to come to a good use, but a mind I'm still trying to figure out and harness. I know a few things to be certain in this crazy thing called life: I have the best family a girl could have, I have a lot of friends most of whom know me better than I know myself and who I could not live without, I am extremely blessed and loved by God and was put here for some crazy purpose, I tend to spend a week a month traveling mostly to Latin America and I love their culture, I desire to learn more and could sit in a classroom forever, I spend the majority of my time with kids and nothing is greater than a hug from a child, and lastly I love to laugh and picking on me relentlessly is the way to my heart. So that's all I know. The rest I guess you are going to figure out with me.

As an introduction at the end of a post - there is no clue what to expect with this blog, as I don't even know what to except. I've been wanting to start blogging again for almost 2 years now, and while bailing out on hot yoga and having a blessed 5 more minutes left on my dead computer - I just did it. Impulsive - maybe. That is also why no one will know about this blog for quite awhile :)

Therefore, you may get a little bit of a travel journal mixed with some book reviews interspersed with societal rantings maybe some spiritual insights or lack thereof hopefully some great/awful dating stories all under the pretense of a post-college still haven't figured out a career adult life ie the life. (the of a was a freebie)